"That's not how a functional relationship works"

John Cena: "Winners write history! [Crowd cheers] You are not worthy. [Mild cheers and applause] You think that on Friday, you can bully me, and then I step in a ring with gold around my waist, and just because you cheer, I'm supposed to forgive you? [Crowd cheers] Yeah, yeah, that's not how a functional relationship works. [To a fan in the crowd] You, sir, is that the way you treat your wife? No, it's not. [To another fan] As a parent, is that the way you're gonna treat a kid? No, it's not! That's not how a functional relationship works, just because you show up in a good mood, I can still tell you to go straight to hell. [Crowd cheers] Every damn one of you owes me an apology and you don't have the courage to do it. Oh yeah, great, make the noise. This is-- This has forever been the show that you hijacked Monday Night Raw, isn't that right? [Crowd cheers] Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're here for all of WrestleMania and this is a sacred ticket so you can show up and take control, isn't that right? [Crowd cheers] Wow, you guys have gone soft.

[Duelling crowd chants of "We Are Sorry" and "No We're Not"]

For those trying to make that out at home, that chant is 'we aren't sorry'. [Crowd boos] Let me just do a quick once over. [Walks around the ring, looking at the crowd] Yep, that's an arena full of the sorriest, lowlifes I've ever seen. [Crowd boos] You are sorry, each and every one of you is sorry?! And here's the best part, you don't mean anything to me. [Fans chant "Asshole"] I may be an anus, but you are a group of idiots. [boos] For 25 years, you have called me so much worse, I have taken your best shot and always got back up. What makes you think you're gonna be the crowd to crack me right here, right now? Huh?! Huh?! Nah, go ahead, you mean nothing to me, your noise means nothing to me. [Crowd boos] The only thing that means anything to all of our lives is that. [Points to the titantron] 36 dates. I told you at the beginning of the year, 36 dates and I'm gone. [Crowd boos] Time passes, guys, time passes so quickly we have no idea, let's count down the time you've already lost. [Titantron counts down; crowd chants "what?" with every venue] Netflix debut, Indianapolis, Toronto, London, Brussels, Glasgow, Las Vegas, Las Vegas, Las Vegas. 27 dates, not matches, Not matches, appearances. [Crowd boos]

Yeah, yeah, you say I can't wrestle, I don't have to, I just have to show up and do this. [Crowd cheers and claps] When that hits zero, the professional wrestling timeline stops cold, I am--I am not stupid like you, I know there will be another Monday Night Raw, I know you will decide another champion, but the title held by Bruno Sammartino, the title held by Roman Reigns for over 1,000 days, the title taken from me in Chicago by CM Punk, the title held by Triple H, The Game, The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels, and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin comes home with me! [Crowd cheers and claps] I am the one. the last real undisputed champion of the WWE!

And getting this was the hard part, the rest is a cakewalk, all I have to do is keep playing you like the puppets that you are. [Crowd boos] The best chance you guys had to save yourselves was Cody Rhodes, [mixed reactions] you heartless bastards, you boo him on Friday and then you cheer him on Friday and then you boo him on Sunday, and I say his name and the man that we all put on our shoulders last year because he finished his story now disgust you?! That's what's wrong with this. And that's why last night, Cody Rhodes was outshined, outclassed, out wrestled and flat out destroyed. [Crowd cheers and claps]

It's time for you to take a bold look in the mirror and here's the truth, there is NO ONE in the WWE with the strength, the speed, the wisdom or the ruthless aggression [crowd cheers] of John Cena. [Crowd cheers] But unlike you, I have a heart, and I would like to do something nice for you right now. [Crowd cheers] Get out your cameras, please, you're gonna wanna remember this moment. Make sure to get a great picture, [holds up WWE Championship] because the last real champ... [Randy Orton comes into the ring, stalking behind Cena] is here. [he turns around and sees Orton] SHIT!" [Randy Orton hits the RKO]

Credit: Thanks to inmate JediSaiyanMaster1203 for this promo transcription