"I would so much rather be bald than have them pipe in fake crowd noise for my matches"

[In his home state of Massachusetts, John Cena makes his entrance to a massive crowd reaction. Before Cena can speak, however, current United States Champion Austin Theory, who teased arriving to Raw to speak to Cena a week prior, makes his entrance. The two stare at each other for a brief moment while the crowd roars with chants of 'Cena'.]

Austin Theory: Nah nah nah, keep it going, keep it going! [Crowd continues to chant 'Cena'] And just like them John, I got all the respect in the world for you. Hey, hey, all of you might not know this, but I only became a WWE superstar because of you. I remember watching you on TV with my mom. You inspired me, John. You did. The hustle, the loyalty, the respect, I thank you for that. [To crowd] Hey, no need to disrespect me, because I came out here with a gift for you, John. Yeah. A gift. A gift, that, you know, it's from the bottom of my heart. It's a gift that is bigger than any movie you're gonna do. It's a gift of me and you, one-on- [Theory stops as the crowd chants 'Cena' once more.]

Yeah, that's right! Cena it up! Because that gift is me and you, on the grandest stage of all for the United States Championship. [crowd cheers] Austin Theory vs. John Cena!

[The majority of the crowd chants 'Yes'. Cena takes a glimpse of the Wrestlemania sign.]

John Cena: No.

[Crowd reacts loudly while Theory is dumbfounded by Cena's answer.]

Took a second to think about it, thought it over. No. [Crowd cheers] I'm not interested in your gift because you haven't earned the right to give it.

[Crowd 'oohs'. Theory's face changes from a puzzled expression to one of frustration.]

No, no man. No, no. Woah woah. I've been watching you, and I've been listening to you. And I don't care. [Crowd cheers] Just like every single person in here, we don't care about you! [Crowd loudly cheers] Why? We don't care about you because we don't believe you. We don't believe you because YOU don't believe you. You're a generic kid out here in fancy sneakers wearing sunglasses indoors and you got nothing in here [Cena points to Theory's heart]. And dude-hey hey, woah woah woah woah woah, I'm not talking to you from a high place. I've walked in your shoes, there's a sign out there that says 'Austin Theory is a John Cena Wannabe'. Right there!

[Cena points to a fan in the crowd who holds the sign up high. The crowd cheers.]

Right there! Dude! I'm your ghost of Christmas future! And right now, you're in that phase of 'Ruthless Aggression'. And 'Ruthless Aggression' almost got me fired. [see Note 1] What a great opportunity it was! But you could see that I didn't believe in myself, and the opportunity just wasn't enough. You have been given opportunity after opportunity after opportunity and you don't believe in you and they know it. And the opportunities aren't enough! You got no heart! You got no soul! [Crowd cheers] They're here tonight out of respect! Because for 20 years, we've been yelling back-and-forth at each other and having one hell of a time! They're here tonight because they believe! They don't believe in you! [Crowd loudly cheers] You're a pair of trunks away from being a jabroni. [Crowd 'oohs'] But wait, wait, wait, wait. No, wait. This is what's called a 'feedback sandwich' now. I'm gonna say something good. You have the best name in WWE history. No, no, think about it! 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin! [Crowd cheers] The Rock! [Crowd cheers] The Undertaker! [Crowd cheers] There is no name better than Austin Theory! [Crowd boos] Because that's exactly what you are: a theory. [Crowd cheers] In THEORY, you should be great! In THEORY, you're everything a WWE executive looks for. You look great, you work hard, you jump fast, you run fast. In THEORY, everyone here should be here to see you. But no one cares. [Crowd cheers] And you're wasting our time. So on behalf of Boston [Crowd loudly cheers], WE would like to give YOU a gift! Shut up, turn around, get out of the ring, and we will let you walk out of here in one piece.

[Crowd applauds and chants 'Cena' once more. Theory stands in the ring, visibly pissed off. He turns around and walks away, but sharply turns back around and walks directly to Cena's face.]

Austin Theory: You know what? I'm not going anywhere just like that bald spot on your head ain't going anywhere!

[Crowd loudly boos. Cena takes his cap off and shows his bald spot has now been covered up, causing the crowd to cheer.]

John Cena: Proud of the senior circuit, baby!

Austin Theory: You're proud huh? You got a little reverse on everything, make everything so good? But you know what's funny? I look around and I-I see all these shirts. In fact, I see the same shirt right here [points to Cena's shirt] and it says 'Never Give Up'. Wait-wait a second, is John Cena saying no? Is John Cena saying that he's giving up? [Crowd boos] And the hat! The hat says 'Respect'! Where's the respect for all of them? Huh? You have a golden ticket against the greatest United States Champion at WrestleMania and you're gonna give up? It's-where's the hustle? Where's the loyalty? Where's the respect, John? I mean-I mean, don't you all wanna see John Cena at WrestleMania? [Crowd loudly cheers] Well shut up, because he said no! [Crowd boos] But you know what? You know what I've realized, you being my childhood hero, all of this? Boston, I want you to pay close attention to this. Because they are right. And they talk a lot, but they are so right about this. You don't wanna meet your hero, because all they do when you meet them is disappoint.

John Cena: Yes, I would so much rather be bald than have them pipe in fake crowd noise for my matches because nobody cares.
[Crowd reacts in shock. Theory gets angrier.] Dude, I could go by some topic, you still suck. You really are a dumb son of a bitch. [Crowd reacts loudly again] I didn't say no because I gave up. I said no to save your ass, you're not ready! [Crowd cheers. Theory says 'I'm ready' off mic.] Dude, you're-you're really putting my back against the wall, but you don't understand. If you and I have a match at WrestleMania and I win, you lose everything! You're done! You're done! And if we have a match at WrestleMania and you win, you lose everything. Oh, oh no, sure, sure, you may win the day, but then you gotta go out the Monday after, all by yourself, and explain. You won't have me to lean on, no. It'll just be you, big man, against the most harsh, vocal, ruthless, critical audience in the WWE and they will EAT YOU ALIVE! [Crowd loudly cheers] Because they see what I see and they see what they see, you are full of crap! But you really left me no choice, cause you brought them into it. And now I gotta ask them to see what we're gonna do.

Boston, [Crowd cheers] before we get all WrestleMania rowdy, I wanna thank my family, and I wanna thank my family for being here tonight because it really means a lot to me. [Crowd cheers loudly] And I'm asking for help. I need your help way up there, I need your help in here, I need your help. I need to know what to do. We're gonna make a decision, right now. Do you wanna see Austin Theory vs. John Cena at WrestleMania?

[Cena holds the mic up to the crowd, which loudly cheers. Amidst the cheers, a majority of 'Yes' chants break out.]

You'll have to pardon my senioritis. It's not just the hair, my hearing's going as well. Do you wanna see Austin Theory and John Cena at WrestleMania?

[Cena holds the mic up to the crowd again to a much louder crowd reaction. Cena redirects his attention to Theory.]

Dude, I may not care about you, but I'll never give up on them. [Crowd applauds] Remember this moment, you just made the biggest mistake of your life. At WrestleMania, for the United States Championship, it's gonna be Austin Theory vs. JOHN CENA! [Crowd loudly cheers] I wish you luck, dude, you're gonna need it. Cause we all know you don't have it here [taps Theory's head], we all know you don't have it here [taps Theory's chest], and we all know you don't have it here [Cena backhands Theory's crotch, who winces in pain. Crowd 'oohs' and Cena goes to leave the ring as his music hits]. Oh oh oh oh oh oh, wait wait wait wait wait. [Cena's music stops] You really need to work on that last bit.

[The crowd 'oohs' louder. Cena exits the ring, leaving an irate Theory in by himself. Cena walks up to the stage and stops]

You know what? In no way, shape, or form are you ready for the Wrestlemania stage. But Boston deserves to see somebody who is. Boston, Massachusetts, I introduce to you 'The Nightmare', 'The American Nightmare', Cody Rhodes!

[Cody Rhodes makes his entrance to a loud crowd ovation. Rhodes hugs Cena and the two exchange words off mic. Cena then raises Rhodes' hand up high.]

- Credit: Thanks to inmate AA2003 for transcribing this promo.

- Note 1: John Cena has revealed in interviews that he was almost released from WWE as a part of seasonal roster cuts because he hadn't made a name for himself with his 'Ruthless Aggression' character that he adopted from his debut.