"I don't know who would feel comfortable working with somebody who randomly just punches people in the face backstage."

CM Punk: "I've got good news, ladies and gentlemen. It's the top of the 9 o'clock hour and that means I'm not the end of the show. I'm not gonna get my time cut, you wanna chant? You go ahead and chant. ['CM Punk' chants hit the arena.] You guys do understand that Adam Pearce is trying to sign me to Monday Night RAW, right? [Crowd boos.] I think they were a little bit louder on Raw, don't you? [Crowd disagrees.] No? That's the question of the hour, I'm getting CM Punk. Now that you're back in the WWE, where are you gonna sign? And I feel fortunate that I get to take this journey with y'all, because I'm partly gonna leave it up to you. So do you want me to sign and be a Monday Night RAW superstar? [Crowd boos.] I legit, I can't, I can't hear you. Did--did you want me to sign to be Friday Night SmackDown exclusive? [Crowd cheers.] Do you want me to throw 29 other superstars over the top rope and then climb this turnbuckle and point at a sign and main event WrestleMania? [Intense crowd support with 'CM Punk' chants.]

An old friend of mine that welcomed me back home with open arms famously likes to come out here and say, [Mimicking Cody Rhodes] 'what do you guys wanna talk about?' And I'm famous for talking, it's kinda what I do, but I also have been listening and I hear there's a few people that are a little bit upset. They don't like the happy-go-lucky CM Punk. They don't like the CM Punk that says, 'hey, I love you guys. I'm home and I'm glad to be home,' so I listen and I hear and I understand that. So allow me to turn this up to 11, allow me to be that spicy CM Punk you all know and love. [Cheers.] Allow me to get comfortable at home. This is me putting my feet up on the couch and my feet got a lot of mud all over them, ladies and gentlemen. So it's not what do y'all wanna talk about, it's who do you want me to talk about. [Crowd chatter.]

Do you want me to talk about Cody Rhodes? I could tell you some stories. Or do you want me to talk about somebody who's not here? [Cheers.] By the sounds of it, somebody who's never here. [More cheers, mixed with some jeers from the crowd.] Roman Reigns. [Big pop from the crowd.] Tribal Chief, I acknowledge you. Congratulations on all your success. Don't forget who the OG 'Paul Heyman Guy' is. Don't forget that he was my wiseman first. Now Roman might not be here, but his cousins are. Solo, big tough son of a gun that I don't know, but I'm familiar with his cousin, Jimmy Uso. By the way, shout out to 'Main Event' Jey Uso, who's over on Monday Night RAW. ['Yeet' chants.] I see you, uce. These are the things that I have to wrestle with. Do I wanna go to Monday Night RAW and hang out with Jey Uso or do I wanna stay here on SmackDown and scrap with-- Jimmy Uso? But if I scrap with Jimmy Uso, holy gosh, he's got a lot of cousins. I'm talking like endless SAMoans, right? So if I scrap with him, I'm gonna need backup and they're in tag team action tonight. Can I trust a guy who I have history with, who hears voices in his head? [Punk points to his head.] Can I tag with Randy Orton? I don't know, are we gonna get along? Are we not gonna get along? It'll probably be entertaining either way, right? One guy I'm pretty positive that would tag with me is Randy's partner tonight and his name is [Crowd chants 'LA Knight, Yeah!' while Punk does the gesture.], Yeah.

Who else? Oh! Someone said Kevin Owens. Kevin Owens, that'd be interesting, right? Can I tag with Kevin Owens? Maybe I can fight Kevin Owens. Let's pump the brakes on that one just for a second. Kevin's a little bit prickly and I mean to say is that him and I are probably too much alike. And I don't know who would feel comfortable working with somebody who randomly just punches people in the face backstage. [The crowd does not react.] [see Note 1] I mean, it's 2023, ladies and gentlemen. You just can't be doing stuff like that, that's insane. ['CM Punk' chants again.] Everybody's happy to see CM Punk, even JBL. Everybody's welcomed me back with open arms... except for that one guy. There's always that one bad apple that spoils a bunch, am I right? But I'm not gonna put any stock in anything he has to say and it's not because of his whiny voice, it's because he's not even 'the man' in his own household. [see Note 2.] [Crowd 'woahs' before starting to sing Seth's song.] It's about all he's got is that song, keep it up. [Singing continues.]

Oh yeah, we're having fun and I'm so glad to be back home on this journey with y'all We're gonna find out exactly where I sign on Monday Night, and I'm here to listen to y'all and I've heard y'all. I'm here to listen to Nick Aldis. Over the weekend, I got a phone call scheduled with [mimicking Shawn Michaels' voice] 'The Heartbreak Kid,' Shawn Michaels. I'm gonna talk to him about NXT. And then on Monday Night in Cleveland, I'm gonna hear what Adam Pearce has to say. And I promise you, I will make my decision then, almost ten years to the day in the same town I walked out of this place in. All the men that I have mentioned today have one glaring, painful thing in common and that's CM Punk is back and I am the monkey wrench in their future plans and their future goals. [Cheers.] Everybody wanting to talk about finishing their story, I'm back to finish what I started. And Monday Night, I put pen to paper and begin my journey of finishing my story and that means one thing: main eventing WrestleMania. [Crowd cheers and Punk drops the microphone.]

- Credit: thanks to inmate PromoSkills for transcribing this promo.

- Note 1: Punk is referencing to his numerous fights backstage during his time in All Elite Wrestling, most principally at All Out 2022 and All In London 2023.

- Note 2: Punk references Becky Lynch, nicknamed 'The Man,' who is married to Seth Rollins.