[An opening credits prior to the promo, "Piper's Pit," shows that it's directed by Marlena, and produced by Shattered Dreams Productions and .24 Karat Pictures. Marlena and Goldust are both in the set for Piper's Pit, while Goldust mocks Roddy Piper by wearing his trademark kilt.]

Marlena: "And... action." [Marlena slams a clapperboard.]

Goldust: "'I am big. It's the picture's that got small.' Sunset Boulevard, 1950. [see Note 1] Oh, but you were always big, Mr. President Piper, weren't you? At one time, you were literally... huge. As a matter of fact, some of my earliest teenage fantasies derived right from this very pit. Watching you from The Hills, I hung on your every word as each syllable spilled from your luscious lips. [Goldust gestures and gyrates towards his chest.] I sunk deeper and deeper into my own sea of ecstasy. When you exploded that coconut over the head of one Superfly. Oh! I myself erupted with pleasure like a rock-hard mountain of lust. Mhm. And that skirt. Oh, yes, we mustn't forget that skirt. I spent many hours of quality time alone just contemplating... Grapes of Wrath. [see Note 2] But President Piper, things are different now, aren't they? You have moved into a new set. And that set is one Hollywood. But you forget. That's my set. Though I've seen you in some of those films. I even got quite the rise out of They Live. [see Note 3] Yes, you have done quite well for yourself, Mr. President Piper. As a matter of fact, you may even one day go down as an all-time Hollywood great. Hmm. Maybe a great, but not the greatest. That title only belongs to one... Goldust. So sit back, President Piper, and like the gentleman that you are, accept what is, simply as what is. That being your role as a World Wrestling Federation president, and merely my lowly extra when it comes to Tinseltown. [see Note 4] Oh, by the way, maybe, just maybe, if you're a good little boy, I'll even treat you to a little something extra." ... Read on!