"I have never been so desperate to sell my soul"

CM Punk: "Let's start this show off with a bang! This is gonna be a lot of fun; not for you, but for me! I'm liable to get us cancelled off Netflix right now! Where to begin? Where do we start? Consider this a State of the Union address, as we are far deep into the Road to WrestleMania, an event that some people seem to think I have exhausted all opportunities of main-eventing. So allow me to address my enemies, and since my name is CM Punk, that means everyone!

So who do I start with? C'mon, who's the first target? Give me a name! [crowd shouts several names; Pat McAfee and Michael Cole suggest the Rock] The Rock? The Final Boss? [to the cameraman] Where we at? Come here. Listen up, Dwayne, you bald fraud! You think that because you're on the board of directors, you're immune from criticism? Well, you don't know who you're dealing with. You are dealing with the Best in the World! [cheers] Middle-aged and crazy, walked back into the WWE after ten years, and literally marched through hell to receive opportunities at the Big Dance. And you, Mr. Mid-Life Crisis, just decide to walk in when you feel like it, and hide behind the fact that you think you're a bigger star than everybody here. I would love to say all of this to your face, but you have not graced us with your presence! [mockingly hits his arm] To do your bullshit! To hit your arm! To pretend that you care about this business that gives you goosebumps! I have never been so delusional, I have never been so desperate to wear a fake title! [crowd chants "CM Punk"] I have never been so desperate to wear a fake title and proclaim myself the "People's Champion", because I don't deserve it; I earn it! I've never been so desperate to sell my soul!

And that brings me to you, John Cena. You can't see me? Well, now we can all see through you. You stole something from me in the Elimination Chamber! A match that, after twenty years of hustle, loyalty, and respect, I gave you the benefit of the doubt when you didn't quality. I thought what you did in the past secured your future. You're not gonna fool me twice. Hustle, loyalty, and respect for twenty plus years, and now everybody sees what I've known all along: that you've been selling all these people and all these kids bullshit! Who gave up in the Elimination Chamber? It wasn't me! You'll never see CM Punk give up on his dreams of main eventing WrestleMania. Ironically, Mr. Don't Quit, Mr. Don't Give Up, you gave up on yourself; you gave up on all these people, you gave up on all those kids. The joke's on you; I'm gonna see you down the road. And I'm going to get my hands on both of you bald frauds, and when I do, you're gonna 'Make-a-Wish' that I never did!

And now, the man of the hour! The person who currently has all my undivided attention. Little brother Seth Rollins! Becky Lynch, you better come get your man, because if I do before you do, I'm gonna put him in a wheelchair. Seth Rollins, self-profes--"

[Seth Rollins' music hits. Punk instantly runs to the entrance way and gets in a brawl with Rollins]

Credit: Thanks to inmate darkflame4527 for transcribing this promo