"Cosmetically pleasing"

[A disclaimer stating "The following is for mature audiences only," as well as "#DemBoys" plays before the beginning of the promo. The Briscoes are stood on their farm in Sandy Hook. This was prior to ROH Final Battle 2011, where the Briscoes would face ex-WWE stars Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin, also known as the World's Greatest Tag Team.]

Jay Briscoe: "Let me tell y'all why we don't like Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin. See, the majority of pro wrestling fans look at tag teams from ah... Monday Night, y'know, they put them up on this pedestal. Just cuz' they was on Monday Night RAW. 'Briscoes ain't ever be on there, they must be down here. World's Greatest Tag Team, hooray!' - Monday Night RAW, my ass! That's the number one reason why we don't like Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin, because people-- the average wrestling fan, the majority of wrestling fans - not all of them - but the majority of wrestling fans put them above the Briscoes by default. Now let me tell y'all a story. 'Bout two years ago... about two years, was it?"

Mark Briscoe: "Two, two and a half..."

Jay Briscoe: "Two, two and a half years ago we had a little try-out match for WWE. It was before a Smackdown taping in Philadelphia. We went in there, had a little try-out, y'know, did our thing, whatever. I guess they was impressed 'cuz they invited us down to Florida, for a week at their little FCW developmental center."

Mark Briscoe: "All expenses paid."

Jay Briscoe: "All expenses paid in the Hyatt... chillin'! Either way, either way we was down there, y'know, had our little try-out. We was down there for a week... I thought things went good!"

Mark Briscoe: "...and that's what they said too!"

Jay Briscoe: "We thought it went real good down there! And everybody was tellin' us, 'Hey, y'all doing real good. Y'all might get these contracts.' This was two years ago, I'm just seein' dollar signs, they talkin' 'bout y'all might get these contracts. So, y'know we're waiting around, we get back home, we waitin', I'm telling all my boys, like, 'Yeah! We did it down there! We getting ready to all be eatin', it gon' be on our tab! We done did it down there, boy!' Y'know we hype, I'm tellin' my wife she ain't ever gon' have work again, y'know, she can quit bartending. Shit, we got this! Y'know, so we wait, a month go by, another couple months. We get a phone call. Apparently, the Briscoes are not 'cosmetically pleasing' enough for the WWE. Exact words."

Mark Briscoe: "C'mon now."

Jay Briscoe: "Exact words, 'Cosmetically pleasing'. Well excuse me Mr. John Laurinaitis, I forgot this was a damn beauty contest! Cosmetically pleasing, my ass!

Mark Briscoe: "Preach, brother!"

Jay Briscoe: "And the thing that got me man! The boys down in developmental, I mean, yeah you got some good ones, of course. Mainly the people from ROH, but the majority of them wasn't even really that nice! Y'know what I'm saying? I mean shoot, they come right out of modelling school, right off the uh- toughman contests where they show their little muscles and shit. They walk right into developmental, sign a little deal, y'know, train in developmental for a few months. And the next thing you know, they're on TV, they're millionaires."

Mark Briscoe: "Ay, ay, ay, what happened to payin' your dues, brother?"

Jay Briscoe: "What the hell happened to payin' your dues?"

Mark Briscoe: "What happened to payin' your dues?"

Jay Briscoe: "Y'know, we broke in old school about 12 years ago. For you young boys, about 12 years ago. About 12 years ago, I remember setting up the chairs, setting up the ring before the show - a bullshit indie show that's gonna be about 40 people there, and I'll be hyped as a bitch! You remember that, settin' up them chairs?"

Mark Briscoe: "Hell yeah! And getting cussed out, because we ain't set 'em up straight enough!"

Jay Briscoe: "Hell yeah, gettin' the ring ready and everything, hyped! Gettin' ready to wrestle in front of 40 people. Y'all have no IDEA of what that's like! Y'all can't even relate to that. Back in the day, coming up through the indies, GRINDING your way up. But no, we're not cosmetically pleasing enough to get paid. I guess that's what they trying to tell us? I guess that's what they trying to tell us? Charlie Haas, I get you spent a couple weeks on the indies? Grinding your way through. Shit, Shelton Benjamin, you the main kinda, type-a dude we're talking about!"

Mark Briscoe: "How many rings you've done set up now, Shelton?"

Jay Briscoe: "How many rings you've set up, Shelton?"

Mark Briscoe: "How many- How many rows of chairs you've done put out there, Shelton?"

Jay Briscoe: "Hey, at Final Battle, if this show, Friday night, Final Battle, depended on Shelton Benjamin setting up the ring, and setting up all them chairs, there wouldn't be no show. There wouldn't be no damn show, because hell know what the hell he doin'. He ain't paid his damn dues, in my book. In our book, he ain't paid his dues. Go fight live people, be sittin there like..." [Jay emulates a confused Shelton Benjamin not knowing how to set up chairs.]

Mark Briscoe: "Man, I don't know."

Jay Briscoe: "I don't know."

Mark Briscoe: "I don't knowww?"

Jay Briscoe: "They don't know what the hell to do. If Shelton Benjamin, if we depended on that bitch to get this show ready. But see, that's what you do as a pro wrestler! As a pro wrestler, that's what the hell you do. But y'all can't relate to that! Y'all millionaires, man! We get up every single day, go to work, support the kids, support the wife. Every single day man, we don't be sitting down on the beach in Tampa. Hold our balls, get a suntan. Then do a little show, next thing you know, we called up, we millionaires. It ain't like that for us. We not cosmetically pleasing enough for that shit. Y'all had no idea, man. Looking at foreclosures and shit. I'm getting ready for getting foreclosed on. At least that's what they say, but I'ma make it through, trust me! I'm a grinder, baby!"

Mark Briscoe: [Rambling] "You ain't have to worry about that, you ain't got to worry about though! You ain't got to worry about that though, Big Money! You need a little knee surgery. You, uh, sprained your pinky finger somethin', that's all Vinny Mac has!"

Jay Briscoe: "Yeah Vinny covered that."

Mark Briscoe: "Shoot, I'm still paying all my bills from Detroit. Look it up!"

Jay Briscoe: "Yeah, Detroit. WrestleMania weekend, a few years back. Look that up! Look that up!"

Mark Briscoe: "I'm paying that for the rest of my life!"

Jay Briscoe: "Hey, but that's all right. Hey-- back to the topic, though. Shelton Benjamin, Shelton Benjamin you got an easy ride, boy, in our eyes. That's why your ribs taped up. Charlie Haas, you ain't much better either. That's why your ribs taped up, Shelton Benjamin, on some David Otunga shit. Jennifer Hudson, my ass. You looked better when you was fat, bitch! Shit. Back to the top, this Friday night... this Friday night! You can look at it however you want to. You can look at it as WWE versus ROH. You can look at it as sports entertainment versus pro wrestling. You can look at it as complacent, satisfied rich people versus hungry, still-coming-at-your-ass POOR PEOPLE that don't give a shit cuz' we still comin'!

Mark Briscoe: "And ain't got nothin' to lose!"

Jay Briscoe: "Bottom line is, it's the World's Greatest Tag Team versus Dem Boys. And now-- I mean, I don't like to say, I don't like to use the term, biggest match of our career, but never... never in the 12 years that we've been doin' this shit have we had so much to prove. The belts don't mean nothin', it's gonna be 7 times regardless. Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, this Friday night, we got to prove a point, boys.

- Credit: Thanks to inmate texasyosh for transcribing this promo.