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"I have an unhealthy obsession with torturing Pete Rose"


"I have an unhealthy obsession with torturing Pete Rose"
Dr. Shelby: "Hello everyone, welcome to anger management. I'm Dr. Shelby. Now, you are all here because you're having anger management issues and we're looking for ways to resolve them, alright? I'm gonna guide you on your path of—yes?"

[Die Kamera schwenkt zu Daniel Bryan, der sich gemeldet hat]

Daniel Bryan: "I don't have anger management issues. I'm not like the rest of you losers, okay? I'm fine. Couldn't be calmer."

Dr. Shelby: "Okay. We're waiting for one more person in group today, but we go ahead and start without him, okay? So, let's remember back to last week when we talked about our anger color." [Die Tür geht auf und ein Junge mit einer Ziegenmaske betritt den Raum.]

Daniel Bryan: [stupst den Mann neben sich an] "Couldn't be calmer." [Bryan sieht den Jungen mit der Maske und steht sofort wütend von seinem Stuhl auf.] No! No! NO! Which one of you did this? Huh? Do you think this is funny? I don't have a goat face. I am handsome! Did you set this up, doctor?

[wendet sich an den Jungen] You listen to me, you little brat! You take that goat mask off right now! DO YOU HEAR ME?"

Dr. Shelby: [geht zwischen die beiden] "This is my son Richard. He's playing a goat in his school play, "Noah's Ark". [an den Sohn gewandt] Richard, this man is sick and needs help, okay?"

[Bryan geht verärgert zu seinem Stuhl zurück, der Mann neben ihm will ihn aufmuntern]

Daniel Bryan: "Don't touch me, Harold!"

[Ende des ersten Segments]

Harold: "My boss takes credit for everything I do. I mean, Monday through Friday it's the same thing. I do all the work, he get's all the glory. I just don't get it and it makes me angry. And when I get angy, bad things happen."

Dr. Shelby: "That was great sharing, Harold. Does anyone else have thoughts or feelings about Harold sharing? Daniel, how do you feel about Harold sharing?"

Daniel Bryan: "Please, you think your boss is bad? My Boss is my former girlfriend/fiancèe who left me at the altar on live television. Then she puts me in a match against her boy toy, this evil, demonic monster from hell who I still beat and she still made me come here. That is a bad boss. She goes around, skipping without a care in the world while I'm stuck here with you people. Honestly, I dont' see how it can get any worse."

Dr. Shelby: "Daniel, I don't wanna interrupt the sharing but I just got a text message that our last patient is here. Oh, there he is."

[Die Kamera schwenkt zu Kane, der gerade den Raum betreten hat]

Daniel Bryan: "NO! You gotta be kidding me! You see, Harold, this is what I deal with on a daily basis. This is what I'm talking about."

[Kane nimmt neben Daniel Bryan Platz, alle anderen Anwesenden rücken sofort weg von ihm, womit das zweite Segment endet]

Dr. Shelby: "Good, Kane. Thank you for coming. Would you maybe feel more comfortable removing your mask?"

[Kane nimmt seine äußere, graue Maske ab]

Dr. Shelby: "Okay, uhm, is there anything you would like to tell the group about yourself?"

Kane: "I'm the devil's favorite demon."

Dr. Shelby: "Great! Uh, so tell us, Kane, what makes you angry? Please, Kane, we are here to help. So, maybe start from your childhood. Remember: Sharing is caring."

Daniel Bryan: "This is a bad idea..."

Kane: "Well, I grew up locked in a basement, suffering severe psychological and emotional scarring when my brother set my parents on fire. From there I shifted around a series of medical institutions until I was grown, at which point I buried my brother alive. Twice. Since then I set a couple of people on fire and abducted various co-workers. Oh, and I once electrocuted a man's testicles. Years ago I had a girlfriend named Katie, but—uhm, let's just say that that didn't turn out so well. My real father is a guy named Paul Bearer who I recently trapped in a meat locker. I've been buried, divorced, broke up my ex-wife's wedding and tombstoned a priest and, for reasons never quite explained, I have an unhealthy obsession with torturing Pete Rose."

Dr. Shelby: [sichtlich baff] "Okay, maybe we should call it a day. Uhm, next week I want you to all practice expressing your anger in a healthy, creative way so I like you to all make an anger collage. Okay? See you next time."

Daniel Bryan: "Anger collage? What the hell is an anger collage? Wait, is this therapy or is this arts and crafts? Are you even a real doctor? Come on, you look like Mr. Roberts with your cheap sweater, horrible pants..."

[Alle außer Harold und Kane haben den Raum verlassen]

Harold: "Thank you for sharing, Kane." [Beide stehen auf. Harold breitet seine Arme für eine Umarmung aus aber Kane packt ihn an der Kehle]

Kane: "No Problem, Harold!"

[Kane lässt Harold los und verlässt den Raum]
- Bei "Harold" handelt es sich um den Independent Wrestler Scorpio Sky, der einige Wochen zuvor als Mason Andrews bei TNA zu sehen war.
Aktuelle Gesamtwertung (?)
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Anzahl Kommentare: 27
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Durchschnittswertung: 9.85
Durchschnitt nur 2021: 9.00
Durchschnitt nur 2020: 10.00
Durchschnitt nur 2019: 10.00
Durchschnitt nur 2018: 10.00
Durchschnitt nur 2017: 10.00
Durchschnitt nur 2016: 10.00
Durchschnitt nur 2015: 9.67
Durchschnitt nur 2013: 10.00
Durchschnitt nur 2012: 9.84
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